Tuesday, 21 February 2012

Kapil Dev da jawab nahi!

Kapil Dev believes Sachin Tendulkar should immediately quit ODI.

In fact Tendulkar should have quit long ago, paaji says.

Probably Tendulkar should have never played cricket in the first place maybe?

Doosra buttonholed paaji for an air-clearing purpose and here goes the excerpts:

Doosra: Paaji, welcome to Doosra.

Kapil: Thanks. You’re cheeks are glistening. I know which shaving cream you use. Palmolive da jawab nahi.

Doosra: Well, no, I mean...whatever.

Kapil: Exactly.

Doosra: Sorry?

Kapil: Whatever! I mean what stays for ever? Nothing! I don’t know why people are upset about it but I insist Sachin should retire immediately. With his best interests in mind, I say he should have retired long back. Waise Sachin da jawab nahi.

Doosra: Long back! How long?

Kapil: Maybe before his made his debut. You see, if you retire before making your debut, critics won't be baying for your blood! Isn’t it the smartest thing to do?

Doosra: Not so sure. But paaji, Sachin may not have scored that 100th century but he got quite a few 50s.

Kapil: You miss the point. He does not have age on his side. You grow old and you can't run. And a batsman who can't run is a batsman without runs. And Sidhu once told me that a batsman minus run is like a church minus nun and a burger minus bun. You know, Sidhu da jawab nahi.

Doosra: Yes, paaji. But isn't age just a number? And Sachin is just 38! Jayasuriya played until 42.

Kapil: 38 my size 14 foot! He got his birth certificate from the same guy whom Afridi's parents approached. Do you know every debutant bowler touches Sachin’s feet before he starts bowling? If they bowl bouncers at Sachin, parents scold them for being disrespectful to an old man. You have any idea how many presidents Pakistan had since Sachin’s debut? Eight! Waise to Pakistan da jawab nahi.

Doosra: But paaji, is it not a case of the pot calling the kettle black?

Kapil: What this nonsense? Pot, kettle, strainer...are you a tea-seller? Waise Darjeeling tea da jawab nahin.

Doosra: Paaji, please don’t mind, what I meant is - you yourself got your retirement wrong and the team carried you just to help you get that record.

Kapil: You know what Virat Kohli said?

Doosra: What? That s**t happens?

Kapil: No. He said you carry people who carry the burden of the nation. Kohli da jawab nahi.

Doosra: Paaji, then why can’t India carry Sachin then for a while, maybe until his 100th century?

Kapil: Again you miss the point. Team mates already carried him once, on their shoulders after India won World Cup. You can’t expect them to carry you all your life…it’s not your apartment! Did you mumble something?

Doosra: Hell...no...truly paaji. Kapil da jawab nahi.


Govind Raj said...

Jawab-less Kapil Paaji !

Aren't most of our retired 'Legends' just that; Jobless ?

Som said...

Govind, you have a point. An an ideal world, pot shouldn't be calling the ketle black but that's impossible in the age of 24x7 news media. What Palmolive Paaji probably could was to insert this line that "I too made mistake and can say from experience." We can do with a bit more candour and humility.

Anonymous said...

Dear BCCI Sirs,

> > I have come to know the real reasons for Indian cricket team's poor show in OZ.
1)After MS Dhoni married Sakshi, they are having problems in their bedroom.Dhoni isnt "getting" enough "action", hence his "performance" has sufferedin the "outfield" (pun intended). He is not batting or fielding properlywith Sakshi during night time.:)
2)Viru Sehwag also has the same problem. His wife Aarti is too aggressive and that is hampering Viru's "natural" "stroke playing" in the bedroom. As a result his "strokeplay" in the outfield is not what it used to be.
3)Sachin Tendulkar, Rahul Dravid, V.V.S. Laxman, all have undergone
vasectomy. Hence they have lost their "drive".
As far as other young "guns" like Suresh Raina, Rohit Sharma, they need to earn the game from more "mature" players - both on and off the field.
Only our young bowlers like Aaron, Umesh are doing good. Because they are having regular "net" practice in the morning on the field and at night in ight clubs also.:)
As far as the BCCI is concerned too much money have made them complacent like lazy pimps who don't take care of their main business of prostitution.
Do I see any glimmer of hope? Afraid not, unless they can implement my suggestions.

ankita said...

I wonder who takes Kapil Dev seriously these days. Personally, I have never understood the hype around him.I was born after the 1983 world cup win and the only Kapil Dev I remember is the one who only played to get 532 wickets and took forever and ever getting there.

Manoj Shrestha said...

Models with all the latest facilities and features are what Alcatel always keeps marinating. For the mobile subscribers belonging to all classes, this gadget giant has its mobile stock open for all. Besides, the effective segmentation of the mobile as per the mobile types makes it easier for the visitor to shop even more smoothly. The link at www.rightshopping.in/g/itb.asp?C=Nokia-Mobile-Phones&b=Nokia&cid=1gives more details.

Som said...

Ankita, bang on. Even I did not take him seriously. It's all pure fun!

Anonymous said...

Probably, people ten years down the line won't be taking even Sachin seriously

Som said...

@anonymous - quite a possibility of he drags on.

Anonymous said...

A good one but not really the usual standard. Its funny though how just one tag line can get stuck in our minds. Wonder which line it will be for our current advertisers..sorry cricketers. Any ideas with what lines will we remember Sachin, Sehwag, Saurav. Was there a line about Azhar?
Maybe some material for a blog post.

Host PPH said...

well as a matter of fact and to be honest with you, I have never ever played cricket in my life, but I would love to give it a try! :D