Kohli’s 7 Point Defence In Fingergate Scandal

Doosra suggests a soil test of the Sydney Cricket Ground (SCG) if civilisation is to know why it brings out the worst among the visiting Indians.

The moment a Harbhajan Singh steps on it in 2008, the SCG soil convinces him of Andrew Symonds’ stalled evolution, an articulation that led to a Monkeygate.

Flash forward 2012 and this time a Virat Kohli, almost against his wishes, stars in a Fingergate scandal, confirming widespread doubts about the soil’s sanity-sapping streak.

Kohli mounted a spirited defence against the charge, using a seven-pronged strategy but the ICC Match Referee would not budge.

Doosra has accessed Kohli’s seven-point defence in which the cricketer made varying attempts to explain his action:

1. With Australian batsmen cruising merrily, I had to do something to keep myself awake and amused. So I engaged in a pantomime with Gautam Gambhir and had just asked him “what’s up” when the photo was taken;

2. The photo was taken out of context. As part of my limbering up, I raised all my fingers, one by one, but the cameraman for some reason chose to publish the third of the five photos, leading to this clearly avoidable fuss;

3. I had my fingers crossed for a breakthrough and I did it my way. Now to cross your fingers, you need to raise the middle one first before wrapping the top of the index with it. The cameraman, no doubt a crook with filthy motives, caught me midway through the act, thus kicking up this unnecessary storm;

4. Like Muralitharan, I was born with a physical deformity in the form of an erratic middle finger with occasional-gravity-defying syndrome which makes it spring and raise itself even against my wishes.

5. I was shadow-practising a carom ball, which you can’t deliver without a flick of that finger, however bad it may look.

6. Staring at defeat, Mahi asked us to put up our hand and be counted. Now everyone does it their own way but my strong sense of aesthetics tells me to start by raising the longest finger first, followed by others. I had just initiated the process when the photographer shot me.

7. Well, if the above arguments didn’t convince you, let’s cut the crap and admit -- Shit Happens.