Wednesday, 9 June 2010

Exclusive! Yuvraj’s secret meeting with Srikkanth!


Hear it here first!

Doosra serves hot another fly-on-the-wall account, this time of Yuvraj Singh’s secret meeting with chief selector Krish Srikkanth after which the player was dropped.

Excerpts:

KS:
MyDearYuviI’mHabsolutelyDelightedToSeeYouBut IDon’tHaveMuchTimeAndSoIWouldKeepItShortSoThatItTakesLessTimeSinceIHaveAFlightToCatchAndI’mScaredOfFlightsBecauseTheyAreCrashingAllTheTimeSoMyQuestionIsWhatDoYouHaveToSayAboutYourFitness?

YS: Err…can you repeat that?

KS:!@#$%^&*!...WhatHappenedToYourFitnessYouHabsolutelySillyFatheadedBrat?

YS: I’m alright sir, fit as a fiddle.

KS:Don’tYouFiddleWithMyPatienceYouDimwitAndTryToBeFunnyBecauseYouKnowVeryWellWhatICanDoToYourCareer…SoWithoutWastingTimeTellMeWhyYouHaveSuddenlyBecomeAnHabsolutelyInflatedBalloon?

YS: Oh, that? I thought…anyway, you hurt my sentiments sir. Fact is every time I slip into team jersey, my chest swells in pride sir. I believe every player should feel so when they don national jersey. What you mistake for flab is actually patriotism sir.

KS:PatriotismMyFootYouHabsolutelyRottenPimpleOnTheCheekOfIndianCricket…JerseyMakersSaidTheyUsedToMakeSmallSizeJerseyForYouAndNowYouWantXXAndEvenThatSeemsBurstingAtTheSeamDoYouHaveAnyExplanation?

YS: Pimple, sir…I mean simple sir. We all want growth in life. Who wants stagnation? Sidhu Sir once told me that life without growth is like a stagnant pool, breeding proverbial mosquitoes spreading spiritual diseases in an ephemeral world inhabited by immoral half-wits….

KS:!@#$%.^*&…YouACricketerOrMunicipalityDrainInspector…PoolMosquitoDiseasesWhatRubbish…ListenYouSillyBlighterTheFactIsYouHaveGrownSoFatThatYouCan’tEvenBendToCollectABall.

YS: That’s intentional sir. I refuse to stoop to that level. Any self-respecting man should at least make an honest attempt at spending his life head held high.

KS:!@#$%^&*…YouAreHabsolutelySoUnfitThatYouNoLongerFieldInThePointPositionAndCaptainsBanishYouSomewhereInTheDeep.

YS: I don’t understand the fuss sir. No point fielding in point any more. I did all that, throwing myself around. But there comes a time when you have to move on in life, and I’ve moved on too, from point to elsewhere. You probably failed to notice it Sir, I’ve grown into a deep-thinking, deep-fielding man. Fielding in the deep gives me a larger picture of things sir.

KS:IReallyFeelThatYouHaveBecomeLargerYourselfInFactHabsolutelyTooLargeForYourOwnGoodAndCuttingYouDownToSizeCanBeDoneOnlyByDroppingYouFromTheSquadWhichWillTeachYouALessonYouSillyScatterbrainedMoron.

YS: I would not hold it against you sir. You know what Siddhu Sir once said about getting dropped….?

KS:GoAndJoinSidhuAndBoilYourSillyHeadsTogether…You!@#$%^&*.

25 comments:

greyblazer said...

Lol Maybe if he continues his growth he can look to wear Powar's jersey? Sehwag is backing him though.

Som said...

GB, Yuvi has outgrown the prospect of a jersey. Why don't they make a kimono for him?

Govind Raj said...

Som,

There is no point in expecting Yuvi to prove a point or two at point when he can't point out what is the whole point about not being able to field at point. He needs all the support at this juncture in his life. He alone can't carry all those pounds he has put on !!!

Som said...

Govind, got your point. And you are bang on, Yuvi was never a reliable carrier. First he could not carry the burden of expectation and now he can't carry himself, tonnage-wise.

greyblazer said...

kimono lol but BCCI has to fork out lots of money for a player out of the team. Preity can present him one though.

Ankit Poddar said...

It must be difficult not to end up getting confused with the srikanth bit when making the post itself, right?

Som said...

GB, not sure about Preity. She has lost her shirt -- metaphorically speaking lest I'm misquoted -- in KIXP partly because of Yuvi.

Som said...

AP, you got it right :)

straight point said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
straight point said...

ks:WhhatRaabhishIcudhaavePhlayed
Today'sBhowlingEvenWithMyCLossedEyes

ys: but sir i had to play them with my eyes open and that's where it became scary...

Som said...

SP, hehehe. And you know what Sidhu Sir said about scares? "Scare the scare, be the rare, have no air and you're a great player!"

Govind Raj said...

SP, 'playing the bowling with open eyes and getting scared is a gem' !

Sidhu's take on scare was a good one. But he was the one who avoided fast bowling and ran away at the slightest scare! In fact it was very rare to see him care for the team.

Azaruddin was better than Sidhu. Azar at least swished his bat like Gemini Ganeshan's sword when the balls were flying above the waist !

Som said...

Govind, always thought Azhar was a gem, sure he's Gemini? :)

Govind Raj said...

Rajiv Gandhi in Politics and Mohammed Azaruddin in Cricket were my favorites before the 'God' happened.

Both Rajiv and Azar disappointed me. Rajiv thanks to 'Q' Company and Azar thanks to 'D' Company!

Azar had his problems with short pitched stuff. But he was mostly better than Sidhu and definitely better than Rainas and Gambhirs !

Being a Pseudo Bengali, you probably don't know Gemini Ganeshan. He was Rekha's father and was famous for his sword fights in movies before you and even me were born.

Azar's swishing act against short pitched stuff looked like he were inspired by Gemini Ganeshan :-)

Som said...

Govind, I do know about Gemini Ganeshan even though did not see any of his sword-brandishing act. You thin watching an Azhar video would compensate that?

Deep said...

LOOOL. Great one Som..enjoyed it. Govind, like your comparison of Azhar with Gemini Ganeshan. "Yanna, Rascala....(swing of the bat and ).. Find it"
Azhar was reported running away from the ball by his captain Dilip Vengsarkar on 1989 tour to Caribbean. But he was still one of the best India has produced.

To carry on the conversation between YS ans KS:
YS: Its all due to politics sirjee.
KS (exasperated): What the f$*% has politics got to do with your form? and I am not talking about your cricket form..
YS: Well, you see, my belly does not take orders from the captain (mind); and my knees and ankle do not agree with my belly. Main Ki kara?
KS: Ok what is your plan?
YS: I will ask my dad to fire a few rounds at the bloody journalists and the bloody bloggers to make them bleedy! problem solved...
KS has gone missing!!

Som said...

Deep, that was really good, some anatomic malfunction in YS' body system:)

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