Exclusive! Yuvraj’s secret meeting with Srikkanth!

Hear it here first!

Doosra serves hot another fly-on-the-wall account, this time of Yuvraj Singh’s secret meeting with chief selector Krish Srikkanth after which the player was dropped.

Excerpts:

KS: MyDearYuviI’mHabsolutelyDelightedToSeeYouBut IDon’tHaveMuchTimeAndSoIWouldKeepItShortSoThatItTakesLessTimeSinceIHaveAFlightToCatchAndI’mScaredOfFlightsBecauseTheyAreCrashingAllTheTimeSoMyQuestionIsWhatDoYouHaveToSayAboutYourFitness?

YS: Err…can you repeat that?

KS:!@#$%^&*!...WhatHappenedToYourFitnessYouHabsolutelySillyFatheadedBrat?

YS: I’m alright sir, fit as a fiddle.

KS:Don’tYouFiddleWithMyPatienceYouDimwitAndTryToBeFunnyBecauseYouKnowVeryWellWhatICanDoToYourCareer…SoWithoutWastingTimeTellMeWhyYouHaveSuddenlyBecomeAnHabsolutelyInflatedBalloon?

YS: Oh, that? I thought…anyway, you hurt my sentiments sir. Fact is every time I slip into team jersey, my chest swells in pride sir. I believe every player should feel so when they don national jersey. What you mistake for flab is actually patriotism sir.

KS:PatriotismMyFootYouHabsolutelyRottenPimpleOnTheCheekOfIndianCricket…JerseyMakersSaidTheyUsedToMakeSmallSizeJerseyForYouAndNowYouWantXXAndEvenThatSeemsBurstingAtTheSeamDoYouHaveAnyExplanation?

YS: Pimple, sir…I mean simple sir. We all want growth in life. Who wants stagnation? Sidhu Sir once told me that life without growth is like a stagnant pool, breeding proverbial mosquitoes spreading spiritual diseases in an ephemeral world inhabited by immoral half-wits….

KS:!@#$%.^*&…YouACricketerOrMunicipalityDrainInspector…PoolMosquitoDiseasesWhatRubbish…ListenYouSillyBlighterTheFactIsYouHaveGrownSoFatThatYouCan’tEvenBendToCollectABall.

YS: That’s intentional sir. I refuse to stoop to that level. Any self-respecting man should at least make an honest attempt at spending his life head held high.

KS:!@#$%^&*…YouAreHabsolutelySoUnfitThatYouNoLongerFieldInThePointPositionAndCaptainsBanishYouSomewhereInTheDeep.

YS: I don’t understand the fuss sir. No point fielding in point any more. I did all that, throwing myself around. But there comes a time when you have to move on in life, and I’ve moved on too, from point to elsewhere. You probably failed to notice it Sir, I’ve grown into a deep-thinking, deep-fielding man. Fielding in the deep gives me a larger picture of things sir.

KS:IReallyFeelThatYouHaveBecomeLargerYourselfInFactHabsolutelyTooLargeForYourOwnGoodAndCuttingYouDownToSizeCanBeDoneOnlyByDroppingYouFromTheSquadWhichWillTeachYouALessonYouSillyScatterbrainedMoron.

YS: I would not hold it against you sir. You know what Siddhu Sir once said about getting dropped….?

KS:GoAndJoinSidhuAndBoilYourSillyHeadsTogether…You!@#$%^&*.