Saturday, 6 June 2009

The Seven...hic...Samurai


Let's give the dude his due. Andrew Symonds is a blogger's delight. An English-born Australian cricketer with West Indian roots with follies of all three ethnicities stuffed inside the 1.87m frame.

Now beat that.

So much so that I don’t mind trading Sachin Tendulkar for Symonds.

Come on, Tendulkar can’t be a debater’s delight. He evokes awe, not argument. He is too polite to polarize and I’ve always been intrigued more by the horn of the devil than the halo of the saint.

Once again, Symonds provided me the fodder for thought and here goes a list of seven cricketers who, I suspect, could have been wine bottle labels in their previous birth.

1. Andrew Symonds: The undisputed Baron of Booze, the Lord of Liquor, the al-Khalifa of al-cohol. There was not a rehab strong enough to bottle up his high spirit;

2. David Boon: His incredible feat of guzzling 52 cans of beer on a flight from Sydney to London is still intact. Pity that Symonds had to go when Boon is part of Australia’s selection panel. Smacks of lack of fellow-feeling somewhere.

3. Andrew Flintoff: Cork high and bottle deep, Flintoff discovered the alcoholic properties of the Caribbean Sea during 2007 World Cup and was about to drain it before sentries came to the sea’s rescue and an environmental disaster was averted.

4. Jesse Ryder: A firm believer that Bacchus airdropped him on dry earth with a specific purpose. Takes the opener’s job seriously even outside the field. Royal Challengers stats suggest no one opened more cans and bottles than Ryder in IPL II.

5. Herschelle Gibbs: Another rehab-proof alcoholic. One of his neighbours once refused his offer to donate blood fearing it might make him tipsy.

6. Praveen Kumar: Proudly carrying the tri-colour. To his credit, he doesn’t get into drunken brawl unless the other guy is a doctor.

7. Yuvraj Singh: When intoxicated, has a peculiar penchant of attacking his namesake, a tendency that can be traced to the sheer self-detest cemented in his subconscious.

Pix

18 comments:

straight point said...

when quizzed more all these boozers confessed that they played cricket just to taste 'ghat ghat ka paani'

(if you know what i mean... ;-))

Som said...

SP, I know what I mean. But the blogger drinks only ghat ghat ka orange juice:)

Q said...

Did u leave some of the Pakistanis out fearing backlash from extremist Islamists? ;-)

Som said...

Q, just could not recall any. Now I remember some junior players doing something silly during Junior World Cup but I thought it wud be preature to thrust them under the spotlight when you have such an elite league of seniors.

If they are feeling left out, I can tell assure them that it's just a matter of time before their turn comes!

Q said...

There are many other instances Som.. I did a post long time ago abt the Paki bad boys.. will share that with you once I find it :-)

Som said...

Q, looking forward to that Pakistan Liquor League:)

Q said...

Here u go Som:

http://www.wellpitched.com/2008/04/paki-bad-boys.html

Had some digging to do.. my labels aren't that well organized.. but there r some interesting stories in there..

Som said...

Q, thanks. I knew you must have tucked them somewhere. I think I can go for compiling a Tipsy XI from each country. After all, few people get high on orange juice like I do :)

Q said...

Orange juice doesn't work for all man.. coca cola maybe ;-)

Naked Cricket said...

two words: maninder singh

Som said...

Q, you too a Cola man!

Som said...

NC, I forgot the wrist-slashing spinner! But he was more a cocaine man, no?

Naked Cricket said...

He can always force entry into this group

Som said...

NC, you mean he gurgled with spirit?

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scorpicity said...

How about the longest alcoholic brand name

"Laxman Sivaramakrishnan"

Bugger ruined his career drinking and smoking up.

Som said...

Scorpicty, the brand name you suggested...well I think that could well actually be a test to gauge if someone is drunk. Trust me, you can't pronounce that when drunk.

Rebecca said...

Did u leave some of the Pakistanis out fearing backlash from extremist Islamists? ;-)