Thursday, 12 March 2009

Seven Tenets of Sehwag’s Batting Philosophy


Doosra was recently commissioned by People for Ethical Treatment of Bowlers to peep into Virender Sehwag’s sub-conscious and figure out why he considers the leather-flingers as his class enemy.

Study concluded, here goes the Seven Tenets of Sehwag’s Batting Philosophy:

1. The only delivery you can’t score off is the one that takes place in a maternity ward.

2. Shoulder-arming is a health hazard that should be immediately outlawed. It exposes the wicket-keeper and the close-in fielders to the danger of suffocating from poisonous armpit odour.

3. Running between wickets is a perversion pursued only by the potential pedophiles while dot ball is nothing but a public statement of a batsman’s impotency.

4. Post-Lahore, cricketers have to care about their own safety and sixers, and even skiers, are effective ways of preempting any aerial attack.

5. Bowlers are actually condemned souls who somehow sneaked out of hell only to receive their quota of punishment on earth.

6. To help the ball manufacturing industry weather the current financial downturn, every batsman worth his salt, sugar and jaggery should contribute their mite by sending their quota of deliveries to irretrievable parts outside the ground.

7. Contrary to perceptions, safest way to reach a century is to take the aerial route. After all, the ICC Technical Committee is yet to approve the optional deployment of two fielders suspended from diagonal light towers.

Pix: Time magazine

31 comments:

scorpicity said...

Superb!

Bowlers are actually condemned souls who somehow sneaked out of hell only to receive their quota of punishment on earth.

Very true... how cruel this game has been for them and yet modern day bowlers are way better than the earlier ones.

Ankit Poddar said...

Brilliant!

What tenets does this guy live for!

at every tenet, i thought i could pick this one as the best, and so yeah this guy lives by 7 best tenets!

straight point said...

...and in the next match he can be out attempting that ugly midwicket hoick unbecoming of his cult stature...

Satrajit said...

A superb seven-pointer again SOM...BTW how much were u paid for conducting the commissioned research?

Megha said...

super stuff as always Som!

Soulberry said...

Brilliant Som...don't give them ideas..next time you'll find a Jonty Rhodes swinging from the light towers like Superman.

Leela said...

"People for Ethical Treatment of Bowlers"
-- Thank God, this does exist.

Funny as always Som.

Naked Cricket said...

Sehwag's comment on reading the 7ts 'Obviously'

And Som, you sure love this pic of Sehwag, don't you - face it, Sehwag has let go of his hair, high time you did too.

on a serious note, that was funny.

Soulberry said...

Slightly off topic...Som, would you have any idea who these art connoisseurs from Delhi might be?

Any news from the press circles?

All Sports Fans said...

ROFL!!!!

Som said...

Scorpicity, we have not seen cricket at its cruellest yet. Why don't they do away with the bowlers altogether?

Som said...

Ankit, I'm still looking around (don't ask me how) for my eyeballs which popped out of socket.

Som said...

SP, I don't care if that ugly hoick does Sehwag in tomorrow. It was just too good to bother about what might happen in the next match.

Som said...

Satrajit, can't reveal the amount. Somewhere in between Lehman Bros and Raju 'Satyam' Bros.

Som said...

Megha, gracious as always.

Som said...

Soulberry, can you really place your hand on heart and vouch that the ICC Technical Committee won't come up with such a blasphemous thing any time soon?

Som said...

Leela, we already have PETA. Why not a PETB? Cricket's batsman-bias is reaching such a criminal extent that we might soon need a People for Ethical Treatment of Bowlers.

Som said...

NC, can't con you man. This is the 2nd time I used that snap. It tells tale of a time when he had more hair and cricket had Darrel Hair.

Som said...

Soulberry, trust me I'm not one of them!.

I had no clue such an outrageous thing is going on in Delhi. I have no clue but this is what I gleaned for you. http://in.news.yahoo.com/48/20090309/804/tnl-art-avatars.html

Som said...

ASF, I never thought I can really floor you!

YellowMonkey said...

http://blogs.livemint.com/blogs/silly_point/archive/2009/03/13/the-importance-of-momentum.aspx

http://blogs.livemint.com/blogs/silly_point/archive/2009/03/10/can-franklin-stop-sehwag.aspx

I don't think testing the bench strength is a good idea, because the Tests are still to come. The campaign is still halfway through. Keep the boot down IMHO. Sehwag needs to keep whacking them

maza786 said...

Hello there SOM.

Please add me on blogroll at www.maza786.blogspot.com

Its cricket + desi style ghup shup so please visit as we would really value your expertise.

Kind regards –Danish

Som said...

YM, welcome to Doosra. Well I also subscribe to the view that the grip should not be relaxed. In case India field a weakened side and NZ somehow conjures up a comprehensive victory, it would lift the team spirit ahead of the Test series which Dhoni surely doesn't want. Expect a couple of changes and nothing wholesale.

Som said...

Maza786, welcome to Dosra and keep coming:) Just allow me a little time for the blogrolling thing. Happy blogging.

maza786 said...

Breaking news: http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport1/hi/cricket/7919571.stm

GEEE how much busier does this year want to get. One can raise questions if player burnouts come into play. This is the schedule in ascending order.

IPL / Wisden trophy / Pak vs. Australia.

T20 WC

ASHES

CHAMPIONS TROPHY

More diabolically they are planning a T20WC next year in the Caribbean as well. What's the point in making it an annual affair? The anticipation and meaning will then be lost. But thankfully it's only a fortnight long in duration so the entertainment and competiveness side of proceedings shall still be there unlike the 07WC which seemed to last forever.

Som said...

Maza, players' burnout is a fake issue. See no player has any problem accommodating IPL in their itinerary!
And hey, it took me time but blogrolled you. Happy blogging:)

maza786 said...

Thanks for that SOM.

Please visit and share your views as well.

Kind regards

Danish

Som said...

Sure, Danish.

maza786 said...

IMRAN AND KHAN’S
Khan is becoming a popular and recognisable name in current affairs. It always had been I guess but never like this. In the film industry we have SRK Khan, Amir Khan, Salman Khan, Saif Ali Khan, Imran Khan and Irfan Khan. In the cricketing world we have Younis , Zaheer , Sohail , Amjad and now this RSA newcomer Imraan Khan . Quite remarkable observation of how many there are. Not to forget Imran Khan (lion of Pakistan) arguably the daddy of them all. Also Imran is growing popularity as it’s predicted that this mysterious leggie Imran Tahir will be joining the Asian recruits in the RSA side.

My observations of Imraan Khan are as follows:

- He plays that wristy sub-continental flick very well which can be defined as a personal strength.
- He plays every ball to merit but is renowned to be an attacking candidate by nature.

Yeah I also don’t rate Mcgain that well as he’s an oldie and club like rookie leg spinner. I would have recommended Krezja. He’s an attacking bowler and a wicket taker. Generally he’s good for the game as he speeds up run rates and wicket taking although he can be very predictable in patches. This just openly demonstrates the impact of Shane Warne’s departure on Australia’s bowling as a whole.

maza786 said...

Som , new thread on MAZA786 M8.

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