Monday, 15 December 2008

7 cricketers who deserve Doctorate, à la Dr Sania Mirza

As UN names an Intergovernmental Panel to figure out what really provoked the MGR Educational and Research Institute University, Chennai to accord Doctorate on Sania Mirza, Doosra lists seven Indian contemporary cricketers who thoroughly deserve the prefix.
1. Dr Sachin Tendulkar: For his contribution to medical science. Tennis elbow came into being only after Tendulkar was diagnosed with it. Currently, he is playing the game with his second shoulder, third elbow, fourth knee cap and…Also for staying on course to sharing the dressing room with son Arjun.

2. Dr Yuvraj Singh: For his generous contribution to astronomy. NASA scientists just revealed that the six-star constellation over the southern tip of the African continent is actually the six sixes Yuvraj hit off a Stuart Broad over in the Twenty20 World Cup. Scientists blame Yuvi’s fury to the hapless bowler’s father who insists another Doctorate cricketer from Punjab's fertile land, Dr Harbhajan Singh, is a javelin thrower.

3. Dr Harbhajan Singh: For his expertise in Escapology. Throughout his career. Dr Singh displayed an amazing ability to dig a hole for himself and eventually clambering out of it, often creating a crisis that threatened to split the cricket globe.

4. Dr Gautam Gambhir: In recognition of his die-hard optimism that he can do any bodily harm to someone like Shane Watson.

5. Dr MS Dhoni: For covering the entire gamut of coifing and unfailingly coming up with thematic, series-specific hairdos.

6. Dr Virat Kohli: A product of the MSD School of Thought, people need to recognize his state of the head. Come hell or high water, or even a catch in his direction, Dr Kohli always ensured his spiked tuft is intact before making a dash. Upset with the existing helmets, he apparently has sought one with a slit in the middle.

7. Dr Munaf Patel: For his deep understanding of the South African culture and ability to laugh at the popular siSwati, Xitsonga, isiNdebele, isiXhosa and isiZulu jokes cracked by Gary Kirsten and Paddy Upton.

32 comments:

Homer said...

lol :)

Anonymous said...

hey Som.....seems like your fav number is 7 mate. BTW, its Dr MSD's jersy number too.

Another cricketer who deserves the prefix is Sourav Ganguly. He made us believe that cricketers are nothing less than filmstars and can take off their shirts whenever they want to...What say mate??

Straight Point said...

soopher som!

research is still on that why coming bit late on toss has pissed off generations of oz players mindset...the doctorate will be awarded soon after the research is over...

Som said...

Homer, nice set of teeth, mate:)

Som said...

Anyonymous (why anonymous?), XI would have been ideal but I have to admit I often run out of XI ideas and hence confine it to VII.

Som said...

SP, make Ganguly and Waugh depose before the research panel.

Anonymous said...

Hey Som, Anonumous is a collection of individual ideas. You likely know Anonymous, although you don't know exactly who I am. Anonymous is everywhere, yet nowhere… (got a clue??).

Deserve a doctorate for creative comments dude……what say:)

Som said...

Anony, the clue only prolonged my state of cluelessness.

scorpicity said...

Dr. Sania! Looks like they are trying to make up for all those visa troubles and fatwas.

Som said...

Scorpicity, to be honest, I didn't expect anything different from a university named after a filmstar-turned-politician.

achettup said...

ahahaha, hilarious article followed up by some hilarious comments. Good stuff!

Som said...

Achettup, welcome to Doosra and keep coming. And hey, saw your blog and blogrolled you:)

achettup said...

Thanks Som, happy to swap links. Looking forward to your next post.

Cheers

Q said...

Whats with the fascination with 7?

Som said...

Achettup, thanks.

Som said...

Q, nothing really. I didn't see The Magnificient Seven and yet to see any of the Seven Wonders of the World (apart from Navjot Singh Sidhu, if you please). Ideally, XI would have suited a cricket blog but then coming up with XI ideas is often beyond me. So I try to keep it to seven. It's a question of convenience and limitation buddy:)

Q said...

Convenience and limitation? really? and here i thought it had something to do with the number 7 as in days of the week, wonders, heavens, rounds of fire to marry, rounds of the Kabah for Muslim pilgrimage, and many other things the number is associated with ;-)

Som said...

Q, the number is divine, no doubt about that, but the blogger is pretty earthly, you know:)

Q said...

Modesty?

Som said...

Q, putting an end to the thing. Hope to give you live update from Mohali.

Anonymous said...

Som, don't be clueless.
I am an avid fan of your writing and our professions are quite similar. I am an online journalist and know you from the time I had done my internships with UNI. I admire you. We will def meet up someday. Rock On dada.....

STILL CLUELESS???

Som said...

Anonymous, as you said, I know you. And definitely we'd meet some day. I'm in Mohali now, hope to give you some live update. And if you read previous updates, you know it won't be live score update. I'll score with What Neo Won't Show and Cricinfo Won't Report. Stay tuned.

Naked Cricket said...

Rahul Dravid on welfare (CGHS)

Mohammed Asif: compounder

Symonds: witch doctor

Leela said...

Though I am drawn to anything that says "Dhoni", Dr. Munaf patel is the most Hilarious! LOL!!!

Som said...

NC, KP is surely the patient now. He claims he has fractured his rib, I suspect it's beneath that. Post-Chennai, he's heartbroken.

Som said...

Dr Leela (Sparing you the elaboration), you are surely not the only one who gets high on MSD. Even the British media here on Mohali is so enamoured by Mahi that they are seeking his advice for the Pom bowlers! It really sounded funny.

Leela said...

Oh now you are just showing off..
How lucky are you to be at those press conferences. :-)

Som said...

In the august company of Mike Brearley, Derek Pringle, Angus Fraser and Mike Atherton in the press box, I'm feeling lucky indeed.

Leela said...

Wow.

Som said...

But ma'm, don't ignore my profession hazards either. It's always a l-o-n-g day and then qualmless bosses and heartless colleagues ensure you are left with just enough life to drag yourself back to the hotel and survive to toil another day. Quite a dog's life.

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