Monday, 26 May 2008

Indian Premier League: Circa 2011 and beyond


I didn’t see CNN’s ‘Talk Asia’ programme which featured IPL ring master Lalit Modi this weekend. For that matter, I haven’t seen any of the episodes, even if that makes me lesser a human. And to be honest, I don’t see myself seeing any of the ‘Talk Asia’ episodes either, of course unless I figure there.

But as a professional hazard, I read the transcript and found that during the course of answering a series of ego-massaging questions, Modi said he envisages two IPL seasons in the same year from the fourth edition onwards.

When not cricket ball, crystal ball gazing is my favourite pastime and allow me take a sneak peak into the future of IPL:

1. Sreesanth will be slapped twice a year and the PDCB (Prabhu Deva in Cricket Boots, for those who came in late) would maintain that Harbhajan is like his elder brother;

2. The contract for Bhajji, assuming he still finds a taker, would replace the mandatory post-match handshakes with a folded-hand namaskar and any deviation from there would incur immediate termination of the same;

3. Meanwhile, all roads would lead to Mohali as players, arms wide spread, would make a beeline for Kings XI Punjab, obviously drawn by the hugly incentives from the franchise owner;

4. Kolkata Knight Riders coach John Buchanan will take the opportunity to publish sequel of his “If Better Is Possible” in the Australian embassy. Shane Warne will once again buy a copy, tear the pages, make a kite and fly it over Sawai Mansingh Stadium;

5. Modi will depose in the Court of Arbitration for Sport, explaining why cheerleaders’ presence cannot be construed a performance-enhancing substance;

6. Darren Berry will stay put in Jaipur to issue travel advisory that India had become a dangerous place to visit since a kid burst two firecrackers somewhere in Mizoram;

7. Vijay Mallya will ask Mike Gascoyne to tutor Bangalore royal Challengers on how to get fast off the block;

8. Grandpa, I mean Glenn McGrath would still look inconsolable after conceding 11 runs off his four overs;

9. Sachin Tendulkar would insist that even though teammate Arjun Tendulkar outscored him, he still has lot of cricket left in him;

10. Shoaib Akhtar would manoeuvre his way to IPL, pointing out the precedence set by the previous appellate tribunal which had spared him for the previous drug offence which incurred him a previous life ban.

Image: Daily Mirror

15 comments:

Poonam said...

Hilarious!!!!

Straight Point said...

1. SRK will encourage juhi to do preity though i am not sure players will be queuing up for it...

2. the statistical record of 'delayed arrival' on pitch, slaps etc will also be displayed...

3. dravid will become smart...will play tape recorded statement test player can play at any level...at evrey given opportunity...

4. SRK will be assured of mandatory camera cut after each delivery in lieu of his dug out visits...

5. Afridi will retire by that time to concentrate on t5 to enhance his career prospects...

6. Ekta kapoor will become a franchise...will convert all his team performances in to a TV serial...

Som said...

Poonam, welcome back, to Delhi and Doosra.

Som said...

SP, the stats table on delayed arrival, slap, abuses..it's too tempting an idea. And no prize for guessing who would top the tables. Going by names, K-Ekta Kapur would buy Kolkata Knight Riders from SRK and might consider rechristening it Kyun Ki...Kolkata squad

UTP said...

poor sreesanth...4th year and 2 slaps only...there should be at least one slap per tournament heheh...

Som said...

UTP, saw the slap-gate aftermath! Bhajji has surely slapped some senses in him and Sree is among the highest wicket-taker. I think in every series, India would require to pick an extra player who would slap Sree into awakening and would go out with a lengthy ban!

scorpicity said...

ha ha ha... good one... loved the firecracker

Q said...

I agree with SP and Ekta Kapoor. She will definitely buy a franchise after the advertisers have refused to give in to her for 2 months...

Maybe her and Karan Johar will buy the Gujrat Gossip Gurus.

Q said...

GGG!

Homer said...

Tad rough on SRT dont you think, given that his contemporaries are still in the game..

UTP said...

I think the board should congratulate bhajji and give him a new role outside the team of slapping the sense into the youngsters...I am sure that would be something he would look forward to do after retirement...

Som said...

Homer, probably yes. I should have put Sambit Dravid in that list as well.

For Sourav, well, he must be sharing the dining and drawing room with Sara Ganguly, hardly any chance of sharing the team dressing room.

Som said...

UTP, that was slap-stick comedy.

Homer said...

unless Sara decides to do a Jhulan Goswami - in which case dada will avoid the nets :)

Cheers

Som said...

Homer, that's quite a possibility.By that time, dada's reflexes would further deteriorate and Dada woudl do well to remember that at one stage Jhulan was bowling faster than Irfan Pathan!