Exclusive: Tendulkar is broke!

The Pranab Mukherjees and the Montek Singh Ahluwalias would look pretty silly now.

Exposing the hollowness of their GDP growth mumbo-jumbos, another Indian has just slipped under the Below Poverty Line (BPL).

Is it a Dicky Bird? Is it a plane, carrying homesick Lalit Modi? No, it’s Sachin Tendulkar!

Well, hear it here first.

Tendulkar, whose annual income was the closest statisticians got to infinity, is dead broke!

First he sells off his red Ferrari 360 Modena and then he applies for home loan to buy a 1 BHK flat outside Mumbai!

The twin developments merit close analysis and I want you follow me here closely.

Why did Tendulkar sell off his Ferrari, presented by no less than a Michael Schumacher?

Was it his legendary anticipation that warned him of the fuel price hike that was barely 48 hours away?

Was it the political analyst in him that closely monitored the West Bengal election and realised red was fast going out of vogue?

Can it be possible that he had a tiff with Schumacher – suppose Schumi calls him and mistakes his sing-song voice for that of a maid -- and a mighty annoyed Tendulkar did not want to keep any memory of him?

Or was it because he felt let down by Ferrari who did not resist DRS in F1? So what if this DRS stands for Drag Resistance System and not Decision Review System? After all, once you accept the initials, you are not far from accepting the whole thing!

Well, Doosra risked life and limbs to unearth the truth and here’s how the Little Master turned pauper almost overnight.

Tendulkar earned the stuff by sackfuls but didn't trust banks -- including the one he endorses -- and used to stash all his money in the cellar.

And he got the shock of his life when he found termites had eaten up all the notes!

And the rest, as they say, is his story.

P.S. Sources tell us the sole purpose of Tendulkar’s Wimbledon visit was to try and borrow some money from Roger Federer.

Afridi’s Secret Diary: Breaking Mom, Keeping Mom

Many of you surprised why I keeping mom on my retirement and did not right anything in this dairy.

Two day...or it is two days...whoever…I give my vision of the story at the back of my retirement.

As I tell, my chaste paining and my heart is bloody like nobody’s business. Deer friends, I have lost my piece of mind and I can’t shut down my eyes in the night.

Having sleeveless nights, if you ask me.

Honestly telling, I could not take the betrial from Walker Younis and Intikhab Alum.

I always considered Walker Bhai like my large brother. I had a long standing relation with him. He was always late in meetings and I standed long hours without any complain. But see how he behavioured with me! Gave a bad report on my back.

In the other hand, Intikhab Alum was so senior that not like large brother. He was more like my ankle.

I took him on phase value and like Walker Bhai, he coned me, if you know how I mean.
Firstly the man looked very kind. In fact you can tell him a mankind. Learned so many that I considered him my guru, my menthol.

But I never understand he having a heaten agenda. The old @#$% had a…had a…what they call a blazor-sharp brain. My back’s behind, he and Walker Bhai was always doing...what you call it that has 'piracy' in the end...conspiracy!

Yes. they were conspirates. I saw zealousy on their eyes. If today I’m in trouble, they are the because.

I’m so anger that I want to throw them in the Specific Ocean. But if I do that, my carrier would be ended because they would say I chuck and there will be questions about my action. So I'm keeping mom again.

7 Reasons Why Cricket Is A Better Sport Than Tennis

1. You don't associate cricketers with rackets;

2. The entire tennis pitch is not even 1/10th of Shoaib Akhtar’s run-up;

3. You don’t need to perch umpires on high chairs to negate the threat posed to his/her life and limb by violent players;

4. Spectators can follow the ball without resembling wind-up toys and risking serious spondylitis;

5. Players don’t make such a fuss over ball, asking for three even though (s) he would eventually need just one;

6. Ball boys are not made to crawl in full public view even though they are well past that stage in life, thus rendering them seriously vulnerable to ridicule from peers;

7. Cricketers don't need to lob the ball high up every now and then to reassure themselves that all is well with the gravitational force.

(P.S. It's the sound of Maria Sharapova in yellow treading on French Open’s red clay that provoked this post which can alternatively be called Why There Is No IPL In Tennis.)

7 Reasons Why Tennis Is a Better Sport Than Cricket!

1. Tennis players don't crib about pitches despite made to play on all kind of surfaces;

2. They don't look like offspring of a Michelin Man and a mummy;

3. Women players get equal – in fact more -- attention;

4. Umpires at least get a chair to seat on, are not treated as cloth-hangers and don't have to do funny things with their hands to earn their bread;

5. Players refrain from unhygenic practices, such as applying saliva to the ball;

6. There is no recognised skullduggery called Duckworth-Lewis system to determine the outcome of rain-hit matches;

7. Lalit Modi has no role in it.

(P.S. It's the sight of Maria Sharapova in yellow treading on French Open’s red clay that provoked this post which can alternatively be called Why Tendulkar Attends Wimbledon but Federer Does Not Care About IPL).

EXCLUSIVE! How Osama poisoned Pakistan cricket!

That Pakistan cricket is hell-bent on self-destruction does not make the cut for an eyebrow-raiser.

What does is that they had roped in Osama bin Laden to get the job done!

Hear it here first!

Sitting in his Abbottabad abode, the bearded Arab had been poisoning the very fountain of Pakistan cricket by injecting corruption and encouraging chucking.

These New York Times and Daily Mirror reports expose how.

Apparently, whenever a ball was hit into their compound, Osama’s men never allowed the neighbourhood boys to retrieve the cherry.

Instead, they would give them 60 rupees to buy a new ball.

The boys soon turned greedy and would deliberately throw the ball inside the compound.

Osama thus killed two pigs with the same bird by:

1. Encouraging throwing -- that explains the alarming chuckers’ concentration that threatens to turn Pakistan into Chuckistan;

and

2. Sowing the seed of corruption in impressionable young minds, convincing them that there is easy money to be made without actually going through the pain of playing the game.

7 cricketers on Osama bin Laden’s death

1. Sachin Tendulkar: I have a strong stance on this issue. I strongly feel Osama’s death is either good or bad for us. It just can’t be anything else even though we should not rule out other possibilities. If you ask me, I think it’s essentially a relative subject and so Osama’s relatives can better answer it. Osama was apparently staying in a stone hut in Tora Bora. When people throw stone at you, you turn them into milestone. Instead, Osama turned it into a stone hut and I think that tells everything;

2. Rahul Dravid: Who died isn’t important here. One should not think about individuals, team always comes first. What’s important here is a death has taken place which means the global population has just shrunk and the air available for human consumption will be relatively higher. Besides, I think it would allow batsmen to concentrate better. I remember I was batting against Sachin’s son in Mumbai when the Americans were bombing Afghanistan and it greatly affected my concentration. The only time I had a similar problem was in Sydney when a whale rather loudly exhaled in the adjacent Tasman Sea just when I was taking guard;

3. Shahid Afridi: I’m happy like nobody’s business. When I speaked that Indians not having big hearts and we having, people moleculed me…or is it ridiculed? Whoever…Now see which country gave Laden shelter? I feel…I feel… vindictive…the media will now eat dumbbell pie;

4. Anil Kumble: I see beyond Osama’s death and what stirs me is the inequality of the contest. The US Military and the Al Qaeda were fighting and I’m sorry to say only one team was fighting in the true spirit. Our Bangalore Royal Challengers owner Vijay Mallya has naturally taken interest and promised to reduce the spirit deficit;

5. Sourav Ganguly: I’m really aghast. I think Obama is selling us dummy. I’ve been tipping them that bin Laden was masquerading as Greg Chappell but they did not listen. I’m not convinced that bin Laden is dead;

6. Shoaib Akhtar: Dude, America is not like Pakistan. America is in America and unlike Pakistan, there people don’t celebrate when their presidents die. USA losing president like Osama is like Pakistan losing me;

7. Shane Warne: Heard the guy was living with his youngest wife. Got her number mate?

A Cricket Folktale...Circa 4500 A.D.

Once upton a time, there was a tiny country called Sa-china, inhabited by people called Sa-chinese. A neighbouring Vinod-erland was initially more prosperous before its economy nosedived.

In Sa-china, kids had curly hair, while grown up men practised with harmonium to develop sing-song voice. And they made it a point to marry older girls.

There, anyone taller than 5'5" was sneered at and people opted for euthanasia at 99 since a century often augured disaster for the country.

Most boys went by the names of Himesh, Pritam, Bappi, Annu, Shankar, Ehsan, Loy, Ismail etc because it was manadatory to name kids after music directors.

There, people dialled to say "Aila" and not "Hello". Even the neighbourhood fishmongers accepted a certain credit card and if a customer offered cash, s/he would be admonished: "Visa power, go get it."

There were some schools but no college or university in the country because people were convinced of education's futility.

In fact parents used to garland their kid the day they dropped out of schools, which was generally believed to mark the beginning of their journey to glory.

The country had only mud houses because stones were not available. Whenever they saw a stone, they turned it into a milestone, as their Father of the Nation had once advised them.

There, people used to eat out at Mainland Sa-china, where Sa-chinese dishes were served.

Aged people suffered mainly from tennis elbow and they worked as long as they wished. Retirement talks were not encouraged at all...