A star Indian cricketer's letter to his fans

Hi guys,

Let me take you back to a time when you, the volatile fans, pelted our penthouse, tarred our expensive walls and burnt our effigies whenever we let you down on the field. We'd lie low, in safe havens abroad, and return only after the all-clear had been sounded. 

And then you grew up. 

Or stones, tar and effigies were no longer affordable. Either way, you grew better at digesting defeats and we took it as a sign of your maturity.

But, sorry to say, I've started doubting that of late and I'll tell you why.

While the world got busy with the IPL, the wrestlers hit the street with their protest. It's unfortunate, as well as unwise, they chose that time of the year to demonstrate. You can't compete with IPL for eyeballs, it's a no-brainer.

Many of you have demanded why we, the country's highest-paid athletes, have been silent on this. Since you asked this, you better listen to the answer.

Firstly, and this should be the clincher, stop having unreasonable expectations from us. We are here to play cricket, and not to champion YOUR causes. 

I mean, first you put us on a pedestal, and then you want us to descend from there and dirty our feet. You call that maturity?

It's not that we are not moved by what happens around us. But it better be chic and lit and safe. Black Lives Matter (BLM)? Count us in, even though we openly had a racial slur for Daren Sammy. Global warming? Hell, yes! Even though we want an expanded IPL, where every match emits 10,000 tonnes of CO2 equivalent. Dwindling wildlife? Bring it on! Even though we don't really care about wildlife rules.

But we draw the line when it comes to taking a stand on any issue that can potentially upset the authorities.

Man maybe a political animal but we are demigods, for Tendulkar's sake! We are clearly under no such compulsion! We are proudly apolitical, because that makes us compatible to authority of all hues -- democrat or despot, janta or junta. Our ideology is the sheer lack of it. So, take a chill pill and outrage elsewhere.

Honestly, most of us aren't even aware of these wrestlers, let alone their problems. How can we comment on something we don't know? Ignorant? Maybe. Selfish? No!

Besides, we have our own battles to fight.

For instance, my Insta follower count hasn't grown beyond 2 millions since last month. Also, I was recently this close to signing two endorsement deals both of which have now gone to an upcoming talent. Can you fathom my agony?

Worse, my wife has been flying practically everyday since last month and still hasn't had her nailed-the-airport-look photo even once in any Page 3! Can you even imagine the trauma she is going through?

With so much on our plate, it's rather unfortunate that people expect us to be up to speed with what's happening with the wrestlers of this country. I doubt if any of these wrestlers even has a 100k-plus follower count on Twitter.

So let me recap this. Gym photos? No problem. Exotic holiday snaps? Done. Motivational quotes? Sure. But real issues about real people and their real problems is a strictly no-go area for us.

So dear fans, and I love you all, kindly adjust your expectations.

And before I sign off, buy this dodgy herbal product, it's good.

I haven't used it obviously, because medics warned, and several countries have banned it. But maybe you'd like it?

Muah

A top cricketer

Pix: iStockphoto