Qatar: Ladies and gentlemen, let me present next the Qatari team. They are so rich that the security guard they tipped outside the stadium has just made it to the Forbes' list. The same people who are planning a central AC for the entire country for the 2022 FIFA World Cup.
Russia: Russia follows next, though without the swagger that you associate with them and instead sucking some liquids. Don't get me wrong, they are clearly the cleanest bunch of athletes, having undergone so many tests. They have dehydrated themselves giving urine samples and sipping innocuous drinks to rehydrate themselves.
Sierra Leone: Here's a tiny contingent from Sierra Leone. And some of you thought Sierra Leone is Sunny Leone’s sister. The country grapples with Ebola when it's not caught in a bloody civil war. More than medals, they need medicines.
Syria: Special welcome to the Syrian contingent, comprising of people who successfully escaped the bloody civil war. They have already requested IOC to consider giving them ammunition instead of medal to help fight ISIS.
Somalia: Somalia has sent a tiny contingent. They won't be allowed to participate in water-sports though, lest they hijack boats and take rowers hostage.
Thailand: Here comes Thailand and no, they are not fighting but massaging each other.
Saudi Arabia: Saudi Arabia, ladies and gentlemen, one of the richest countries in the world. There have an unprecedented four women athletes in the contingent and they are very excited. After all the is the moment they all have been waiting -- to drive a car, something they aren't allowed back home, on the roads of Rio. They plan to buy a car and abandon them, money is not the issue you see. Also, to they plan to drive incognito, by revealing their faces, so no one can identify them.
United States: The superpower in every sense, here comes the United States. If meddling in others' affairs is made an Olympic sport, they will win gold hands down and celebrate it by bombing an oil-rich state. Apparently, everything that's wrong with this world has got something to do with this country. In addition to their strong events, US is likely to win all shooting medals, provided the competition takes place in a college campus. Apparently, White House is trying to bully Rio into shifting it to Federal University premises.