Friday, 15 March 2013

Arnab Goswami Interviews Pope Francis!

AG: Welcome to News Hour and hearty congratulations.
Pope: God bless you, my son.

AG: Wait! What did you say? My son!
Pope: Yes, my son.

AG: How can you call me 'my son'? Am I your son?
Pope: Err, No.

AG: Are you my dad?
Pope: No.

AG: Then? Mr Pope, the nation wants to know why you called me 'my son'?
Pope: I don’t get you. I mean I'm the Pope and this is how I address all!

AG: Just because you are the Pope, you assume you have a birthright to call every perfect stranger your son? Who you think you are? ND Tiwari?
Pope: No idea what you are blabbering. And Mr Goswami, why you are hollering into my eardrum.

AG: That's better, 'Mr Goswami'. Way better. So Mr Pope...
Pope: Hang on, what? Mr Pope? Nobody calls me like that!

AG: Do you deny you are Mister? The nation is watching you, mind you.
Pope: No I don’t!

AG: Do you deny you are the Pope? Look, Times Now has accessed exclusive documents and chain of emails that prove beyond doubt that you ARE the Pope, Mr Pope. The game’s over, you can’t hide!
Pope: But I never said I'm not the Pope!

AG: For the first time, on Times Now, you admit you are Mister and you are Pope too. (Raises voice) Then why can’t I call you Mr Pope?
Pope: (Sotto voce) Man, they never told me I’ll have to spend an hour with a lunatic if I become Pope.

AG: Stop mumbling and explain the smoke.
Pope: Smoke? I don't smoke, son...err...Mr Goswami.

AG: Don't try to distract and derail the discussion. Explain the smoke that comes out of Vatican chimney after papal elections. Show me the no-objection certificate from the Pollution Control Board.
Pope: What?

AG: You can't escape me and my channel Mr Pope. You release smoke of every possible colour to signal various results of the election. I mean what age you guys live in? Do you know this is a serious violation of the Indian environment rules?
Pope: Jesus! But it happened in Vatican, how can it violate Indian law!

AG: So you mean air doesn’t travel? Mr Pope, air transcends boundary! Like Aman-ki-Asha! Before entering studio, I coughed like I'd die. How can you be so sure the same polluted smoke from Vatican has not travelled to Mumbai? Can you identify polluted Vatican smoke from polluted Indian smoke? Can you? You can't Mr Pope! Mr Pope...Mr Pope! Thought he was here with us!

Studio Crew: Sir, you started ranting at the camera and he crawled under the table and fled five minutes back.


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