Tuesday, 5 May 2009

EXCLUSIVE: Chris Gayle’s parting speech at KKR camp

Let’s face it, we ah in a cool hole maan. I sniff there is a Babylon* in KKR and I donno who’s the bloody bald-head*.

I come from Jam Down* all upful* for some jamming but kiss my neck*! We dug a hole for us and we no more ah the Mr Mention*!

You Johnnie and your effing ideas! Chuck that bean maan and get a new one. I’m sure the nurse had bounced you on your bean soon afta' yoh birth and the floor cracked.

And that multiple-fathahood idea stinks too. So stay away from my dawta*.

Yu Brendon the brain-dead. Skip skipping skippie. Just nowt your mug of Tui. A Rastafarian has more dawta* than runs you scored.

And for Jah’s* sake, get rid of those vulgah tattoos. If can’t, get rid of that arm awltogetha’, maan. You can’t baat worse, can you? You can then win maatches single-handedly maan!

Awnestly, it looks awful, jus’ like graffiti in a wall in Kolkata. I wonda’ no maan came and relieved himself on it yet!

Here you Dinda. Get a life maan and chuck that Bandu*. In Jam Dung*, only women weah that. Dennis Lillee bowled with headband but thaat was in last millennium. You no Lillee and this is no 20th century. Buy a time machine with the bucks you got and join us next year, you Bhuttu*.

Murli, stop being a Bobo*. Loosen that obnoxious snake-around-neck, or you’ll asphyxiate yourself, ovastan * you Bubu*?

Finally, Um happy that the Battybwoy* boss is not around. Him a fish*! The other day he tried to kiss me in the corridoh. I collared the bugga’ and he squeaked he wanted to see if the coloh sticks!

And I-Man* don’ like when he screams Gay-le, Gay-le when he sees me. I’m fine being Chris. Jah guide * maan, may Jah bless you.

(Pix: PA)
P.S. Considering Gayle’s speech had a generous sprinkling of Rastafarian mumbo-jumbos, Doosra offers a glossary:
Babylon: Negativity of a system;
Bald-head: Person involved in Babylon;
Jam Down/Dung: Jamaica;
Upful: Positive;
Kiss my neck: Expression of wonder;
Mr Mention: Talk of the town;
Dawta: Girl friend/woman;
Jah: Lord;
Bandu: Hair band;
Bhuttu/Bobo: Fool;
Ovastan: Understand;
Battybwoy/Fish: Gay;
Jah guide: Rasta farewell;


Amy said...

Good job. Ater listening to the tapes from the bugs I planted in the team room, I know he said exactly that.

You're very down with it, I must say.

Som said...

Amy thanks. I seems I posted it in the nick of time, else you too had the stuff ready! Good Jah...I mean Good Lord!

Q said...

Hahaha.. hilarious!

Som said...

Q, thanks. My labor was worth it. Jah bless you maan!

Naked Cricket said...

And Bob Marley sang in his grave, but the KKR group looked very grave.

very funny som.

Som said...

NC, alternatively...Bob Marley looked very grave as Buchanan buried KKR's grave....

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Anonymous said...

With due respect, Som, this blog http://redrockssujesh.blogspot.com/is even better than yours. The best sportsblog of them all. Don't miss the first post!!!

Q said...

anonymous: that blog is so good that even blogger does not feel worthy enough to host it.

Where is it buddy? Page not found.

Anonymous said...


Som said...

Anyony, saw and I agree, it's a cult blog.

Som said...

Q, it's funny, no?

Q said...

Its brilliant Som.. AFC and Malaysia and all.. wow! Amazing sports those.. and for the record, I have never seen so many anonymous comments on any 1 post.

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