Monday, 15 September 2008

EXLCUSIVE! Roy Speaks to Doosra!

Those who thought the Dragon has gulped me down with generous dose of authentic Chinese tea, I must say it was a premature celebration. The following Andrew Symonds exclusive interview explains my prolonged absence from blogosphere. My childhood angling experience taught me it’s never easy to catch fish, and even tougher to catch people catching fish. But anyway, my hard work finally bore fruit and here you have Symonds speaking his mind out.

Doosra: Mate, first of all, I must sympathise with you, considering what’s going through your troubled mind.

Symonds: X%@$%*!

Doosra: err…well…I mean…ok, let’s get on with the interview. Roy so what lies ahead?

Symonds: Grrrr…lies! You mean I’m lying? You X%@$%*!

Doosra: Oooops, calm down Roy, I just meant so what’s next for you?

Symonds: Sounds better and you better avoid double-meaning.

Well, now that I’m no more supposed to attend any compulsory meeting, I think finally I can go fishing, without bothering about consequences. Those equipments cost me a lot you know.

Doosra: But why did you skip the compulsory team meeting and went fishy..err I mean fishing?

Symonds: No double-meaning, told you. Anyway, I skipped the meeting because there they made players read ‘Art of War’ in Braille. Only Buchanan has left, not his madness you know.

Doosra: Roy, what is the lesson you learnt from the entire episode?

Symonds: Lesson? What lesson? I’ll teach those %$#*& a lesson, special Clarke. I’ll give you a scoop. You know what? Pup is not straight. He’s the guy behind Binga’s broken marriage.

Now I realize, Australia never really embraced me. They never really knew what to do with this England-born of Afro-Caribbean parentage. I’m thinking of migrating to India.

Doosra: India! But people there booed you!

Symonds: Not really. Now I believe I misunderstood them, cultural difference you know? Didn’t you hear about people who spit on each other’s face to greet? Likewise, Indians have weird ways of greeting you.

I guess I misunderstood Bhajji as well. He swore he never called me monkey, rather inquired about my mom’s health. So nice of him.

You know what? I have a sneaking suspicion that it was actually Matty Hayden who called me monkey, he’s a master ventriloquist you know.

Doosra: Well, what happens if they don’t welcome you in India?

Symonds: Well, in that case I can return to London and make my England A debut.

Doosra: England A!

Symonds: Why not? I could have played for the Poms in 1995 but I turned it down. Now I realise it was a mistake to prefer Australia. But it’s never too late. Besides, they need me.

Doosra: Well, I can’t be as optimistic, what if they too don’t welcome you?

Symonds: That would leave me with no other option but to return to my roots.

Doosra: You mean West Indies?

Symonds: Nope, South Africa. I like Graeme Smith more than Warnie and the Proteas need me to come out of the apartheid era.

Doosra: But that era is already over!

Symonds: Who says? They just became untouchables after Poms, of all people, beat them and that too in ODIs! Can you believe it!

Doosra: Well, it seems you don’t have dearth of options. Count fishing as well. Anyway, it’s reassuring to know that we have not seen the last of Symo. Willow or fishing rod, bat or boat, bowling line or fishing line. All the best Roy.


Ottayan said...

Good one.

Straight Point said...

how dare you end our celeberations prematurely... ;-))

they made players read ‘Art of War’ in Braille

hilarious...that's what we were missing som!!

Naked Cricket said...

Very funny Som. And no double meaning there.

Trideep said...

Back with a bang Som!!

Som said...

Ottayan, thanks a lot.

Som said...

SP, no celebration without me...:))

Som said...

NC, trust your 'no-double-meaning' pledge.

Som said...

Trideep, thanks.

ankit said...

welcome back, som

superbly hilarious and toungue-in-cheek!!

Q said...

Welcome back Som. Started off wit a cracker as always!

Anonymous said...

What a cracker! Back with a Bang eh? Glad to see you back, Som.

Som said...

Ankit, thanks.

Som said...

Q, thank you so much.

Som said...

VM glad to see you...thnx

scorpicity said...

You are back after mauling the dragon into 'dragon chicken'. Leaving the fish aside, how was your trip... share something dude... a post... yeah... a post on lympics.

Som said...

Scorpi...since I'm no net wizard, struggling with the pix and their size. Besides, my computer at home looks keen for a VRS. I'll try something, or at least would send a link of my photos to all of you. thanks

Anonymous said...

Hi Doosra,

U made a DADAesque comeback. M an avid reader of your posts but have never commented. Appreciate the comic spirit of your posts.

Carry On!!!!!!!