Sunday, 30 October 2016

Why 'Baby-on-Board' stickers make no sense



You can learn a lot about a person by just noticing the sticker on his car. In fact, I judge people by the sticker on the car they are depopulating the cities with.

Car stickers fascinate me. I read them like a suicide bomber reads detonation manual: as if his whole being depends on it. His whole not being, if you insist.

I don’t know what to make of a “Baby-on-Board” sticker. To begin with, it’s only half-truth. You probably mean “Baby Also On Board”. Or do you consider yourself an infant? In which case you should not be driving in the first place, endangering lives of the pedestrians - a job already outsourced to the Salman Khans of the world.

My main issue with the “Baby-on-Board” sticker is I’m not even sure of the tone.

Is it yet another vain, male chauvinistic show-off? “I maybe a regular wife-beater and a prominent history-sheeter but hey, at least I’m not impotent!” Well, don’t be so sure. Raise the issue with missus tonight and see if she avoids eye contact.

Or is it some hopeless seeking of that previously-prevalent-but-presently-out-of-supply human feeling called sympathy? Something like “Baby on board, please be nice to us”?

In that case, put a “Na├»ve-On-Board” sign instead and you’d be giving yourself a better chance of returning home unscathed. Like statutory warning on cigarette packs, these inscriptions are as effective as a glass of warm milk in the battle against terminal cancer. Well-meaning but inadequate, if you know what I mean.

If you think putting a “Baby-on-Board” sticker would draw less hostility from the merchants of death who have been let loose on the streets with full backing from the state, you are raising the bar for stupidity. I’ve seen a hearse being rammed into in a frantic attempt to kill the same person twice.

If you still have faith in humanity, it may not be too late yet to get your head examined.

If you ask me, a “Baby-on-Board” sticker makes you more vulnerable to collisions. How? Some drivers, in good intention, may actually decide to give the baby a taste of the world he is going to inherit: a world of road rages and traffic rule decimation. Can you really fault someone for thinking: "If the kid is going to live in a world like that, why not help him get used to it NOW and get a headstart?" BANG!

Or is it some sort of confession? “Baby on Board and Hence I’m Being An Ass In Two Minds Not Knowing Whether To Drive Fast Or Allow Overtaking.” Even in that case, your obduracy would only infuriate others with one of them eventually taking the onus on himself to knock you off the road.

Also doesn’t a sticker like that make you more vulnerable to the kidnappers? They might overtake and stop you on a dark stretch and make off with you kid leaving a note: “Thanks for the sticker. We had lost you in the sea of traffic until the sticker flashed. Wait for the ransom call. For your gesture, we’d offer a 5% discount. Even hijackers have some ethics. We are fighting against all kind of stereotypes associated with our profession. Hope this alters at least one view. Cheers.”