Time for red carpet, stealth light, stretch limos, bowties, pinstripes and black satin gowns. As another year goes by, welcome to the second Doosra Annual Award Gala Night. A tradition started last year, Doosra doles out the annual gongs and the winners are:
Col Gaddafi Club Membership: MS Dhoni, the only other living person with a retinue of female bodyguards.
Australian National Sportfishing Association (ANSA) Man of the Year: Andrew ‘gone-fishing’ Symonds (he’ll collect the award after returning from the fishing trip).
Yo-Yo award: Mohd Yousuf, for completing the ICL-IPL-ICL cycle.
Alcoholic Anonymous Citation: Paul Harris for his legendary candour after South Africa won the Melbourne Test. ("I don't think there's enough beer in all of Australia to satisfy us tonight.”)
Overthrow of the Year: Muntazer al-Zaidi. Having two simultaneous attempts at George W Bush and missing both speaks volume of his waywardness.
Best Ducking of the Year: George W Bush. Ducking two beamers at the same time is a feat beyond lesser mortals and this guy evaded two size 10 shoes hurled at him from less than 22 yards with no umpire to call it NO! Cricket’s loss has been politics’ loss as well.
Anti-Gambling Movement Appreciation Medal: Ishant Sharma for his taming of the ‘Punter’.
Lifetime Shit-Midas Trophy: Greg Chappell. Everything he touched became shit. Look at Australia.
Annual Humble Pie Award: Kevin Pietersen, for his pie-chucker comments.
Lapidary Association Medallion: Sachin Tendulkar, for advocating the evolutionary stone-to-milestone theory.
The VIBGYOR Trophy: Adam Gilchrist, for badmouthing Tendulkar in ‘True Colours of My Life’ and then changing colour and crying hosanna of the Little Master.
Poppy Growers’ Appreciation Medal: Mohd Asif.
Gandhi Truth Award: Gautam Gambhir for his blatant truth that elbowing Shane Watson "wasn’t deliberate".